I have been thinking about the many ways in the past that I have dedicated the week before Resurrection Sunday to study and prayer. I sit here at the desk with my leg propped up. Because yesterday I did something wrong and by the end of the day my knee had frozen up just like it did a couple years ago. I read a post from last year and had to repent of my frustration. The Lord knew exactly what He was going into and did it anyway, silently, in love.
And I’m stewing over a bad knee.
Here I sit, occasionally trying to bend the knee, and grunting in defeat and putting it back up. Yes, there is pain. Yes, walking is difficult. Yes, it is so very inconvenient. But how blessed I am to be in a place where I can adjust to it all and still work from home. Have the ability to have things I might need delivered right to my door. Not the perfect plan, but options that are doable. So, the apartment won’t be as tidy as I like it for a while. There are some very good church services live-streamed so I don’t miss the encouragement and teaching. I have so much more than so many. I still have my leg. The lady downstairs lost hers a couple of years ago. I have a comfortable place to sleep. That hasn’t always been the case. What I don’ t have in the pantry or freezer can be ordered and delivered. So many have no idea what that is like. I have a family. I have friends. I have a dream that God is allowing me to work toward. How can I not be grateful and rejoice in all I have?
So my focus on the week leading up to Resurrection Sunday? Not Vicki. Not anything I endure. Not anything I possess. Not the craziness of the world, which even hits my little corner of life.
Maybe sometimes we try too hard to impart our own intellectual and emotional spiritual guidelines into a plan that is of our own making in order to accomplish “something” God doesn’t need from us. I give Him love. I give Him submission. I offer grace and mercy to others, and myself. I have to consider the question, though: Is that enough? Is anything ever enough? Which, sadly, eventually brings it all back around to me, not Him
My focus? What is already is: Seeking Him first, in all things, and remaining thankful, joyful and open to instruction and redirection. Working out my thoughts, praying through the tough things, finding joy in great and small things. Trusting Him when He disciplines me and sets me back on the course He has planned for me.
Hallelujah, for the Lord our God the Almighty reigns!!